I dont know if he loves me?

Me and my bf have been together, on and off, for about 4 years. I'm in love with him. He says he's in love with me. But every time we break up, no matter who does it or for what reason, even if he's the one that hurts me, he lets me walk away, never chases after me and thats that. It sucks to admit, but I'm always the one reaching out to him. But he always comes back, and each time we get back together he says he's in love with me, needs me and has always been in love with me etc. But then last time we broke up it was pretty bad. I got super drunk and called him and told him how I felt and for whatever reason I distinctly remember asking him if he loved me and wanted to be with me still. He said no. Then he told me to call him the next night. I didn't. Instead I sent him a text saying sorry for calling him drunk, that I loved him and my final goodbyes. I wished him well and let go, because I couldn't take it if he said goodbye to me. My heart was so broken as it was. But then he called me twice the night I was supposed to call him and told me he needed me, and then a week after we began dating again he said he loved me. I'm so confused! When we're together I think he is as in love with me as he says and as everyone says, but when I'm not I start to think straight, and I start to think maybe he doesn't love me like he thinks and he has no idea what he wants. What should I do? Is he in love with me? I don't know. He's so wishy washy. I just want the truth. Even if it breaks my heart..